Clock.

I wake up to my phone vibrating its ass off. Works for me, no need for a bull shit sound. But this, this is an idea right here. "Good morning sir alarm clock." Go to the link above for links to quotes that you can hear. Classy alarm clock talks to you each morning Jeeves wakes you up with a witty phrase Over 120 sounds voiced by Stephen Fry "It appears to be morning. Very inconvenient, I agree. I believe it is the rotation of the Earth that is to blame, Sir."