I've ruined one of these things, its only a matter of time until the other two are ruined by me.

Everyday I have the pain of thinking about Amber. I can't believe I was so stupid. I will never find anyone like her. I don't want to find anyone else. I want her. I mailed her something, & I'm pretty sure I'm cut off completely. I understand.

She was the best person, she loved me unconditionally, I was too big of an idiot to realize anything, & let the it go.

I live in a great condo, for the most part, its pretty nice, & in a great location. I like that it has character. Not just some crap, run of the mill type apartment thing. Its too expensive. I won't be able to save any real money living here. There is an extra bedroom, & an extra bathroom that I don't use. I rarely have people over. I spend a lot of time cleaning (not a complaint, I like cleaning) I spend a lot of time decorating, or rearranging furniture/decor (I also like that) I spend too much money on furnishings. THERE ISN'T ENOUGH NATURAL LIGHT. I can't paint a wall a color I want. The kitchen tile grout lines are fucking weird & squiggly. They only allow you to have one animal. I have to hide the fact I have two dogs. I can't take them both for walks.

But, its the best place I can be everything considered. I should be grateful.

I know what I'm doing while at work. I rarely have a feeling of "not knowing" (which I have had at plenty of other jobs, hate the feeling). The pay is good (probably, for an idiot like me who has no skill, or education). Majority of my co-workers are nice, and cool. I work six days a week. Saturday barely counts, as we work 6-1015 maybe? I have to either bring work home, or go in on Sunday, or early early Monday to get shit done. There is always a pressure over the weekends about having to complete work. Not everyone has that obligation. I wish I made just slightly more. I feel .70 cents more would be satisfactory.

but, for a person like me, its the best I'd be able to have, in my life probably. both pay, and whatever.